Behaving With Children
By: Kay Ezekiel T. Ravago, OTRP, LPT
As parents, we are very much concerned of our children’s behavior. The truth is, however, we should also be concern of OUR own behavior towards them. This is something I further realized as an educator and as a parent. We cannot say “Do not follow the mistake that I have done” or “Be patient” or “Please wait”, when as adults we are frustrated a lot over adjustments in our waiting time. Truly, ACTIONS speak louder than words. I recently read a book entitled “How to Behave So Your Pre Schooler Will, Too”. This is written by Sal Severe, Phd. Like myself, he also had experience with kids (esp. those who need to improve behaviors in school and at home).
While we cannot always monitor intensively, I have listed below quick tips on how to “behave” ourselves so that our kids can too.
We are models for our kids. ALL the TIME. ALWAYS. As previously mentioned, the family is the cornerstone of the society and provided the primary influence to children. My advice is to always “catch ourselves” on how we behave during challenging situations. For example, expressions like “S___!” can be something that can be picked up by kids. The worse is, they think its totally acceptable because mama and dada used it. Yes, potty mouth may be affected by television and popular media, but it can also be influenced by the people around our children (inc. our yaya, househelp, kids in the neightborhood, etc.)
We are models for our kids. ALL the TIME. ALWAYS. As previously mentioned, the family is the cornerstone of the society and provided the primary influence to children. My advice is to always “catch ourselves” on how we behave during challenging situations. For example, expressions like “S___!” can be something that can be picked up by kids. The worse is, they think its totally acceptable because mama and dada used it. Yes, potty mouth may be affected by television and popular media, but it can also be influenced by the people around our children (inc. our yaya, househelp, kids in the neightborhood, etc.)- Acknowledge that affect (emotional being) CANNOT be “happy” all the time. I love using the Pixar movie “Inside Out” for this. While JOY is essential in life, other emotions such as sadness, fear and anger are inevitable. We must teach our kids how to “handle” it in more acceptable ways. For example, if our child gets upset, we do NOT really need to reprimand him/her if there is really something to be upset about. Instead, we can teach them to verbalize their wants (instead of whining), let them cry (if it really hurt them) and then assist them to moving on and finding a better behavior. It is really a different scenario of course if for example a parent would curse and fight a fellow driver amidst a parking problem. This goes back to tip number one, we acknowledge the negative emotions, and we find ways to MANAGE and SHOW more acceptable behaviors ourselves.
- Avoid DEGREGATORY remarks to kids. It damages their self esteem and self worth. And when they become adults…(consequences——) Your child breaks something, your child made a mistake in her reviewer, your child spilled it again, forgot to put it back… a myriad of mistakes. In this regard, our FOCUS must be on the ACTION and what MUST be DONE to improve the action next time.
Words like
“That was a stupid thing to do”
“That is a dumb thing and answer”
“What’s wrong with you and your head”
Statements such as above pose more harm than good. It teaches the kids how incapable and unworthy they are, instead of what must be done. It is easier said than done though. As a parent, you will really have MOMENTS that you will lose it. And when this happens alongside other stressful events in your life , one will really lose it! I am no expert in this as well. As a parent for 10 years and counting, I am also a work in progress- DAILY, EVERY MINUTE—to MASTER MY OWN emotions and be tactful not just to my kids but to everyone. As previously mentioned, my kids are ALWAYS watching!
This is related to the next item—
- Manage your anger. Our emotions have a profound effect on their well being and our kids’ consequent behavior. We are always an “influencer” in our kids’ lives, may it be consciously or not.
- Create a POSITIVE routine. Parents sometimes wonder why kids tend to “behave better” in school. I say its because of the ROUTINE (structure) that is expected during classroom time. (ex: settling down, prayer, study time, break, study time, group activities, going home ). Now that technology is a distraction, setting a particular and REGULAR “gadget time”, “study time”, “meal time” and “sleeping time” (at specific schedule) are very helpful in helping kids do and master EXPECTED behaviors in each particular situation.
- Talk with your child and PRAY together. This for me is the MOST important tip. I always inculcate with my kids the value of putting GOD FIRST. This is the most important POSITIVE routine of all, for them to put their faith and trust to God to help them with their wishes and goals, and to help them become the best version of themselves.
For me, that is one of the things I pray for (to be a constantly better parent). Becoming a parent doesn’t automatically make us the BEST parent. Parenting is a daily learning experience, no matter how many kids you are able to teach, or how many childhood and parenting books you read. If God entrusts us the privilege to be a parent, then we must more so entrust to HIM the grace and the parenting ability—esp. in knowing how to behave so that our kids will too!
